33
by Inclinant
Summary: If this be a misery with no end; as long as our hands remain intertwined, gladly, I will remain in this hell. Even if the world should end and we plunge into hell, our love shall remain as it is, undying and everlasting. RoChu/ChuRo. Post Apocalypse AU.
1. 33: a misery with no end

**A/N: **Okay, so Forever and A Day was pretty much getting nowhere, and rather than letting the fic rot in permanent hiatus on my profile, which I immensely dislike, I've decided to take it down, and post up the first two, more popular one shots. It may be resumed in the not so foreseeable future, but that is debatable. Hence, I'll just be leaving 33 and 99 up on my page. I'm really sorry for all the trouble caused.

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><p><strong>33: <strong>A misery with no end

"_If this be a misery with no end; as long as our hands remain intertwined, gladly, I will remain in this hell._**"**

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><p><strong>Тридцать три<strong>

Ivan slowly shut the thick, rusty door behind him and stepped out onto the creaking deck of the airship. The cracked dull iron deck was frozen over again, making it difficult to walk on. The night was chilly and starless; the bitterly cold wind tore at his crumpled overcoat and the tattered satin ribbon on his right wrist mercilessly.

_No, the night wasn't entirely starless. There was one, one single star emanating bright warmth and healing light._

"You'll be cold if you stand there, Yao," Ivan said gently, moving over to gently wind his scarf around the shorter, raven haired man's neck. The other merely laughed, a joyous twinkling crystalline sound that made a spiraling shimmering sparkling trail in the starless night, and tugged the scarf tighter around his neck. Ivan smiled back silently, engraving the simple breath-taking sight of his lover's smile deep into the warm sunflower gardens deep in his mind.

He ghosted over slowly, wrapping his arms around the slight figure of his lover. Burying his head into the dark head of silky black, Ivan tightened his arms, holding on almost possessively to his only source of warmth in the pitch black ocean of the night and the frozen steel gray airship, the closest he had to a home now.

_And as quickly as the warmth spread through his heart, it vanished._

The biting cold felt more real than ever. The scarf fell limply into his hands, now cold and devoid of warmth. Ivan sighed and returned the faded cream scarf to its place around his neck. He slid his hand into his right coat pocket, numb fingers searching for the elusive silvers of smooth endomium in the soft fleece. He was running out of the artificial-blue drug already; all he had left was the small pocketful of tiny endomium silvers and a few syringes tucked and locked carefully away in the last steel chest he had. The brass key to the great, hulking dull lock was tied securely around his neck.

It wasn't healthy, this addiction of his to the endomium. Ivan knew that all too clearly; hadn't it been endomium - that accursed, accursed but so addictive drug! - that had ruined his nation in a time so long ago now it barely felt like it had existed? But like all the fragile human addicts, so long ago, endomium had become his only reason for living. It was the only way he could see his love now.

He grasped the silvers in his pocket, then hesitantly let them go. What he had left wouldn't be enough, and finding more endomium now would be a near impossible task. He had to ration himself. If he did…he would be able to 'see' Yao again for at least a few times more.

Even so, that did nothing to ease the terrible hollow sensation within his chest. How long had it been that he had been sailing through these grey skies, scanning the earth that still lay deep in winter's grip below with the faint hope of finding someone, anyone. Surely someone must have survived; he had kept on telling himself even as the days wore on into years and decades.

Grimly, Ivan turned back to the fleeting warmth of the cabin. He strode through the small, sparse living area quickly and through another large brass cabin door that opened up to the grimy control area. The broad glass screen bolted to the solid brass walls allowed him to look out to the sky. Although it had been stained and streaked over with watermarks and dirt over the years, it still provided an arresting view of the sky. _If an endless sea of clouds could be counted as a view anyway._ Ivan walked right up to the screen, frowning as his deep lilac eyes scanned the horizon. It was just as he had feared. Even through the darkness of the night, he could make out the beginnings of a storm straight ahead.

He cursed and immediately ran his eyes over the sooty brass computers that all blared warnings and worrying notices in luminous, ominous green.

_Hadn't there been a time where these computers had been a thousand times more powerful and beautiful? Hadn't there been a time where all this would be antiques, worthless, nothing more than the sign of a time that had past?_

Ivan paused, then shook his head. He was thinking too much, as usual. He returned his attention to the controls. He was too low on fuel to be able to make it out of the storm, and he wasn't even sure that this old airship could survive another storm anyway. But if he left his course now…he could end up in nowhere, stranded with no way to get back to the tiny shed he maintained deep in icy Siberia. That was the only other place he had left in the world now.

A new destination…

He looked back to the cold electronic screen of the main computer and at the rumbling storm clouds. Well, to the heck with it all. Resolutely, Ivan gripped the steering wheel and started turning.

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><p><strong>Fuel Level: 33%<strong>

**Change course?**

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><p><strong>《<strong>_三十三_**》**

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><p>The wind whipped through his long dark brown hair as he sped through the crumbling remains of the city. He had long forgotten what city this had been, just that it was nothing more than a fallen relic from a time long ago. The ruined grey buildings stabbed their jagged edges into the equally grey sky. Once these great buildings must have dominated the landscape, but now lay like a monotonous dusty grey wasteland. Nature, however, was exacting her slow revenge and all of the buildings were now covered with plants that now treated them like a playground. Soon, this whole area would be a another green labyrinth, with only the occasional peek of dull grey concrete to show what it had once been before nature took over.<p>

Yao expertly navigated through the maze of debris and haphazard cracks that filled the bleached road surface that was still fighting – albeit losing- the battle against the wild plants that surrounded it menacingly, dripping off the buildings and filling every place in sight. He kept to the roads and concrete streets. His motorcycle still worked best on a proper road surface after all. It was an old beauty that he had found some cycles ago. Seeing that the engine was still running well, he had brought it back and fixed it up on his own. He had barely been able to find enough parts to replace the worn out ones, so now the motorcycle resembled more of a haphazard black mechanical bicycle with mad gears and wires snaking throughout it. Tiny sparks flashed about whenever the rusted exhaust pipe spat out sooty smoke from the grumbling engine. Still, it ran beautifully and he used it to get around all the time.

A shadow and the subtle change in the gentle dawn sunlight made Yao bring the motorcycle to a stop. Switching the rumbling engine off, he gently patted the sleek black motorcycle and leapt off the slightly ripped coffee-coloured leather seat.

It was already the edge of the city; before him was dusty barren red land, surrounding by an encroaching sea of green. In the distance, he could feel the roar of the mighty Yangtze tearing down on its channel with the ferocity that came with spring. Yao sighed. Yet _another empty city._ He returned to his motorcycle and got out a crumpled map, the paper faded and yellow with age. A sprinkling of crosses littered the map, alongside the fresh new black cross Yao had added sadly.

Examining the map, Yao marked out the next cities he would have to check on his next exploration. He glanced up at the sky, the churning grey clouds worrying him. He had better return first. His people back at the colony up needed him, especially since he had been away for quite a few days now. Besides, he was concerned about how they were faring too. Yao hoped the new supplies he had found on his trip would help alleviate the shortage a little. He tucked the map into his jacket and slipped lithely back onto his motorcycle. Snapping the sputtering engine back on, Yao was just about to turn around when the words on the soft blue screen panel caught his attention.

He had never seen his motorcycle ask a question like that before. Glancing back up to the sky, Yao noted that the grey clouds were slowly drifting away and the soft sunlight looked extremely inviting. He looked back to the screen. He had enough fuel to take a longer, more scenic route back to the colony…

The faded yellow ribbon on his left wrist fluttered gently in the wind, as if it were ushering in the eager start of a new journey. Yao gazed at it fondly, a hint of nostalgia flashing in his eyes. His dark eyes crept back to the sky, now an iridescent blue.

A new journey…

He gave a small smile and shrugged, why not? Revving the engine once more, Yao set off.

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><p><strong>Fuel Level: 33%<strong>

**Change course?**

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><p><em>A misery with no escape,<em>

_A world torn asunder, buried in winter,_

_From which there is no freedom ever again._

_Alone searching through the endless grey wasteland,_

_Punctuated with the fallen relics of a sorrowful past,_

_One by air, the other by ground._

There are some things you cannot see from the sky;

There are some things you cannot see from the ground…

_Continue the never-ending search,_

_Hope spirals away into pale tendrils_

_A misery with no escape_

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><p><strong>But I still believe that I will see you once again.<strong>

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><p><em>In the distance, a loud, coughing sputter punctuated the crisp, cold air as the bulky figure of a brass airship tumbled down out of the sky. It was joined by the sound of an old grumbling engine of a motorcycle.<em>

_Unknowingly, both sounds raced towards each other…_

…_A new journey to a new destination._

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><p>Ivan pushed through a mess of rusted iron rods, banging heavily on the twisted brass door before him. The crash had left him winded and his airship completely wrecked– given all the years he had been piloting the airship, he should've noticed that gale! He paused for a moment to catch his breath. Suddenly, his blood ran cold and he immediately grabbed at his right wrist, only calming down when he felt the familiar smoothness of the yellow ribbon. <em>It was still there, it was still there…<em>

Another thought struck him and he quickly searched for the precious vials of endomium tucked in the inner pocket of his coat.

_They were fine; thank goodness! If he had lost what little he had left already…_

He returned his attention back to the large brass panel that obstructed his only way out of the twisted wreckage. Pale golden sunlight was streaming in through the small holes in the door. Sucking in a strained breath, Ivan ignored the sharp pain that shot through his right arm and gave a final strong push against the door.

It burst open. Ivan flinched as a curtain of bright light slammed into his lilac eyes, temporarily blinding him…

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><p>Yao gave a final experimental pull and gasped as the rusty brass door suddenly sprang open, nearly causing him to lose his balance. In the nick of time, he managed to grabbed a protruding steel pipe and hang onto the edge of the airship. Heaving a sigh of relief, Yao pulled himself back up to the entrance, ignoring the copper-red rust that was getting onto his clothes.<p>

His dark brown eyes squinted into the darkness, just barely managing to make out the figure of another person within the wreck of the airship.

It had nearly given him a heart attack to see an airship just falling out of the sky like that. Immediately, he had sped towards the crash site as quickly as he could. The wreck had been smoldering slightly and belching ugly black smoke when he reached. Yao had ignored all that and immediately attempted to scale the airship which lay, half shattered on its side, to get to the entrance where he was now.

"Hey! " Yao yelled into the darkness. "Are you alright?"

The shadowy figure stirred and looked up, the sunlight illuminating his pale features. Yao's eyes went wide. His heart flip-flopped and nearly stopped in his chest. Was that…

"I…Ivan?"

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><p>"<em>Yao! Please, come with me! We will be safe there!" Ivan pleaded, his hands still gripping onto Yao's arms tightly, urgently. Yao looked back, his gaze angrily glaring at the drones and fighter jets that encircled the fire filled sky overhead. All because of them…his city…his country, laid waste by all the merciless bombs and missiles. Screams and the ceaseless sound of explosions and shots smoked up the air. Everywhere was in chaos.<em>

_He turned back to his distressed lover, taking in Ivan's beautiful face for the final time. Yao smiled, although tears were welling up in his eyes._

"_I'm sorry, Ivan. I can't, I must stay with my people. Please, escape now! Be safe!"_

_With that, Yao leaned forward and lightly kissed his lover, before quickly turning back and walking away. He couldn't give up now. No, he had to fight to the end. He couldn't look back now._

_Today would be the end._

_Grimly, Yao entered his stealth fighter. He closed his eyes momentarily, running that precious memory of Ivan across his mind one more time._

"_Please be safe, my love...Goodbye."_

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><p>"Ivan?"<p>

Ivan froze as his mind registered the voice that was so, _so achingly _familiar. How many times he had heard it, in dreams, hallucinations and more…only to realize it had not been real? His grip tightened on the jagged iron poles as his head remained bowed. He didn't dare to look up; to look up and have cruel reality mock him once again.

_He had watched him die with his own eyes, wasn't that punishment enough already?_

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><p><em>Ivan thrashed against the humans holding him back. Some were his, some were Yao's but it all didn't matter now. Yao was going to fly out there, into that madness? He screamed in frustration, trying, but failing to throw off the people holding him back.<em>

"_Yao!" He cried out futilely as he saw his lover's plane begin to takeoff into the fire-streaked grey sky. Ivan fought a last, losing battle against the humans trying to force him into the armoured truck that would take him away, desperately pinning his eyes to Yao's jet as it sped through sky. Yao weaved in and out of the mad chaos of missiles and planes expertly, easily taking down two or three enemy jets the moment he entered the fray._

_Yao was an excellent pilot…but the enemy forces were overwhelming. No matter how good his plane was, or how great his flying skills were, the fact remained that he and his troops were severely outnumbered. Ivan struggled with the restrains that had been roughly slapped onto his limbs and held him to the seat. The truck was beginning to drive off now._

"_No! Yao!" He banged against the door, searching through the countless of zooming jets and drones frantically. Ivan's heart nearly stopped as a series of fiery explosions lit up the sky. Yao…No! He pressed against the glass screen, a cold chill shooting through his body as his eyes caught sight of a fighter jet spinning crazily as it fell out of the sky in a trail of ominous black smoke._

_The bright red Chinese flag proudly emblazoned onto the side of the jet stood out in the black haze. The fighter jet looped through the sky, smashing into the sides of burning skyscrapers in shower of sparks that finally culminated in a heart stopping crimson explosion…_

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><p>"Ivan! That's…that's you…right?"<p>

The voice sounded again. It was so full of concern and sounded so real that only the fear of another crushing disappointment kept Ivan from looking up.

_Maybe it _is_ real, _the small voice that had never lost hope despite all the years resounded within him once again. Closing his eyes, Ivan whispered a soft prayer, if there was still a god to listen to it and looked up.

_He would never forget that breathtaking sight of Yao's smiling face and outstretched hand against the soft radiant sunlight…_

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><p><em>A long, long time ago, the world had been warm, stunning and filled with all the colours that we can only dream of now. A long, long time ago… it was no utopia, but laughter and smiles still danced through the air.<em>

_This world had been far more beautiful, once, that time long, long ago, before the cruel black fires erupted and consumed all with its ceaseless bloody appetite, driven by the dark hand in the people's hearts._

_And that very time, long, long ago; a pair of lovers had, before the pearl moon that still shines to this day, pledged their love to each other, a single golden ribbon linking the two's intertwined hands as a symbol of their solemn vow._

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><p>"<em>Even if the world should end and we plunge into hell, our love shall remain as it is, undying and everlasting."<em>

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><p><em>-fin-<em>

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><p><strong>AN: **

Languages:

**Тридцать три - **33 (Russian)

_**三十三**__**- **_33 (Chinese)

Story Details:

_Endomium:_

An anti-depressant drug with powerful hallucinogenic properties. It causes one to hallucinate and 'see' their happiest memories. It can be taken orally in the form of 'crystal silvers' or injected. Its origins are unknown, though it is said that a lab in Ukraine had developed the drug. However, it's hallucinatory effect decreases with prolonged usage and one has to increase the dosage significantly in order to achieve the same effect. Typically, the hallucinatory effects kick in after ten minutes and last for about six to seven hours. Although taken in low dosages, there are limited adverse health effects, if dosage is increased or the drug is injected, potential side effects can be lethal.

**33 –** sounds similar to the phrase 'misery with no end' in Japanese.


	2. 44: the hope that persists beyond death

**44: **The hope that persists beyond death

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><p>登高望四海<p>

天地何漫漫

霜被群物秋

风飘大荒寒

融华东流水

万事皆波澜

白日掩徂辉

浮云无定端

_I climb up high and look on the four seas,__  
><em>_The heavens and the earth spread out so far.__  
><em>_Frost blankets all of the autumn,__  
><em>_The wind blows with the great desert's empty cold.__  
><em>_The eastward-flowing water is immense,__  
><em>_All the ten thousand things billow.__  
><em>_The white sun's passing brightness fades,__  
><em>_Floating clouds seem to have no end._

**-古****风**

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><p><strong>死是死…<strong>

_**Death is death…**_

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><p><em>Praeteritum I<em>

The pale roseate sakura petals coloured the wind. Yao brushed away the loose strands of his dark saber hair from his face. He was not used to the wind. It had stopped a long time ago, but here, _only here,_ small breezes still lived.

It was one of the reasons he had specially picked this place. That, and for the dark rich soil beneath the sakura trees which were a stark contrast with the rest of the barren, broken plains that surrounded the peaceful oasis of calm.

He knelt down silently, reaching out to touch the warm edges of the dark granite slab. It remained there silently, standing proudly against the flurry of petals in the wind.

_Such an apt reflection of his brother, standing proudly in silence against adversity…_

"Kiku…I'm sorry it took me so long to come…" His whispers were soft and swiftly stolen by the wind. Yao slipped a slim hand into the folds of his dark bedeviled military jacket and drew out a single chrysanthemum stalk, the badges on his shoulders clinking lightly at he did so. Silently, he brought the crumpled claret blossom to his lips, inhaling its sweet scent deeply. The scent of chrysanthemums._ Kiku…_

Gently, he laid the sole chrysanthemum onto the ground before the simple gravestone before hesitantly slipping his hand into his pocket and drawing out a small white clover. Slowly, he tucked the tiny sprig of white flowers beneath the crimson flower.

_I promise…_

For a still moment, Yao remained there, watching the pale pink petals land lightly on the grave.

"再见了," He breathed out softly and reluctantly got to his feet. The petals scattered softly about him. _Goodbye._

"…Yao, it wasn't your fault," Ivan whispered, draping his scarf over the other. Yao gave a small smile as he reached up to clutch the soft beige cashmere, then faltered at those words.

"I wasn't even able to bury him in his own country," He muttered, fingers wrapping around the fabric even tighter. He stilled, forcing the tears away. This was not a time for tears. It was not yet the time for tears.

Ivan remained silent but wrapped his arm around Yao's shoulder. Yao could feel the other's warm hands reaching up to hesitantly brush against the shorn tips of his short ash brown hair lightly, before falling back to his side. Ivan was probably still unsettled by his sudden decision. Yao wasn't surprised; he too, was still unused to the lightness of his short hair either.

"We should return now, Yao. Your people will worry and it is not safe to be this far from the battlefront."

"I…" Yao dropped his gaze to the dry barren ground. "You're right."

He stepped forward but cringed as a bright spark of pain suddenly shot across his senses. Yao cursed silently and gritted his teeth, stoically ignoring the searing sensation. It was useless. His feet stumbled on the dusty ground and he collapsed, weakly clinging on to Ivan for support.

"Yao! "

He could see Ivan's panicked face out of the corner of his eyes. Yao shook his head, panting heavily as he crumpled the edges of his long sleeves with his clenched fists that trembled.

"I..van," He winced at the sharp cutting sensation that pierced through his head simply by speaking those words. "I'm fine; we have to…"

"No! Yao! What's going on, what's happening?"

Ivan's voice felt faint and distant. Yao bit his lip and forced himself back up, despite Ivan's worried protests. Weakly, he managed to shake the other off and struggle forward. He forced his shaky vision to focus despite the fog that clouded his mind.

"Ivan, we need to go," He hissed and took a few pained steps, before realizing that Ivan was not following him.

"Ivan?" Yao turned, then his eyes widened in horror at the small plastic packet Ivan was holding in his hand. He dropped his hands to his pockets. They were empty.

"Yao…you promised me, didn't you? You said…you said that you would not take this anymore…so, why?" Ivan's violet eyes were half hidden by his long light blonde fringe, but Yao could still make out the disappointment shining through. Yao's heart sank. He couldn't bear to see the Russian this way.

He approached Ivan slowly. Moving still hurt. "Ivan, I…"

"Ivan!" Yao gasped as Ivan suddenly grabbed his hand roughly and pulled him forward forcefully. The Russian's deep violet eyes bored into his, as if searching desperately for an answer to soothe the hurt that were barely concealed in those lilac depths.

Yao faltered, then his eyes steeled and he swiftly wrenched away his hand from Ivan's large, strong grip. He couldn't look at the other. Quickly, he turned away and let his eyes drift over the vast emptiness.

"You understand the situation as well," Yao's voice was barely above a whisper. "I have no choice. Without that drug, without _yi_, my country would stand no chance at all. For all the weapons in the world, America's monstrous _Luce is_ truly the most formidable foe…"

"But…! The last time, you even collapsed! You cannot continue taking this!" Ivan insisted, ripping the packet apart with a single motion. The crimson capsules spilled to the dusty ground like a stream of trickling blood-red rubies.

Yao's eyes widened in horror as the precious_ yi_ fell to the ground and scattered like droplets of blood. Mustering whatever was left of his fading strength, he dove for the torn packet still clutched in Ivan's hand and forcefully pulled it out.

The sudden movement was proved too much. Yao grimaced and crumbled to the ground, his fingers digging into the dusty ground. He should be stronger than this.

"Yao!" Ivan called out worriedly as he was immediately by Yao's side, uncertainly reaching out to the other. He drew his hands back, letting them hang uselessly by his side. His voice softened. "Yao, I…I'm sorry."

The setting sun dyed the landscape a deep, rich vermillion. Ivan looked beautiful in the draped in the deep, rich red light. Yao gave a small smile, wrapping the other's cold hands with his own. "Ivan…I'm fine."

Still smiling, he tried to get to his feet, only to stumble yet again. This time, Ivan was there to catch him.

"Ivan? Ivan!" Yao exclaimed, startled as the other smoothly swept him into his arms. "Ivan! You're still weakened, your country…."

Ivan shook his head, defiantly ignoring all of Yao's protests to be let down. "Yao, my country may be in ruins but even tainted with endomium, I will always have the strength of winter that runs through me and my people's blood."

"But…" Yao started but fell silent at the obstinate gleam in Ivan's eyes. He gave a small smile and melded into the other's arms peacefully. "You really…are something, Ivan."

"Yao, please rest," Ivan whispered in his ear. Yao nodded, gently wrapping his arms around Ivan's neck and settling his head against a warm shoulder as the other easily managed his fether light weight

_Thank you…_

He cast one final glance at the grove of sakura trees in the distance. The pale sakura petals were still swirling in the wind, as if forming a protective blanket over the grave. A small but sorrowful smile drew on his lips as he silently bade the monument farewell.

_Be safe._

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><p>Yao had never expected their reunion to take place in front of the shattered wreckage of a hulking brass airship but he didn't care. All that mattered was that Ivan was <em>here, <em>well and alive in front of him. The other looked gaunt and tired, but there was a warm light in his deep violet eyes that showed his joy at seeing him.

Ivan wearing the long overcoat that Yao had made for him and given him in a Christmas long ago. Though old and worn, it still looked sturdy and warm, proof of Yao's expert tailoring skills and the care that Ivan had given it. The bright red initials embroidered on the faded cream scarf wound around Ivan's neck were still visible. Yao could still remember the nights he had spent poring over the scarf, wanting to make the gift perfect for the other…and the breathtaking delighted smile Ivan had given him when he received the gift.

His eyes fell onto Ivan's right wrist and widened at the sight of the pale once-golden ribbon that was still wound securely around it. His right hand immediately crept up to the similar ribbon wrapped around his left even as a small smile formed on his lips. So, Ivan had kept that ribbon, kept that pledge of their love too…

The next thing he knew, he was wrapped by a tight embrace by the taller Russian. Yao could barely hold back the tears of pure joy as he return the embrace, sighing at the comforting aching familiarity of the situation. He had missed the other so, _so_ much. Words couldn't express the sheer joy that was filling his heart, both at the sight of Ivan and at the knowledge that Ivan had survived. He had been so fearful, although he had never stopped forcing himself to believe that everything was just as what he had hoped.

* * *

><p>"You'll die…you already knew that, didn't you?"<p>

"_I do, but even in death, I have to believe that it will come true. It will. It must."_

"It doesn't have to be this way; we could be safe, happy...together."

"_It is for the best... I'm sorry."_

* * *

><p>There were no questions asked, not a single question even crossed their minds…for the only thing that they cared about was that the one that they had always longed for was alive and they were together now…<p>

Then his hand brushed across the hard, solid feel of a glass vial in Ivan's pocket.

"Ivan, why?"

That single question snapped the delight of their reunion immediately.

Ivan's bright smile slowly slipped off his face as he stared in horror at the vial of blue in Yao's hands and drew away. He turned away, hands slipping into the deep pockets of his large rumpled coat. The wind picked up again, this time with an icy tinge to it.

It was almost like a mirror of the past. The cold glass vials of electric blue felt freezing in his hands. Endomium…A long time ago, he dimly remembered that his people had called it _tian_, its luminous blue being the closest they could find to the great infinite blue that was long lost with the endless thick smog. It had not been as rampant on his streets, as it had been in Moscow. Hadn't Ivan always denounced it? Saying that only the weak and frail of mind lived in the past? But there had been far too many of such souls in a crumbling shell of a former power.

"I couldn't stand it," Ivan said finally, dropping his gaze to the straggly patches of grass that dotted the ground. "I just couldn't believe that you were gone, even though I had seen it with my own eyes. So I built this airship, hoping that maybe I could find someone, hoping that maybe I could find you… But as time passed, I just couldn't stand the loneliness of the sky anymore, it felt too much like the emptiness of the snow, it felt too much like how void time had been before you…"

Yao stared at Ivan, shocked by the sudden outburst. He could still feel the heat from the smoldering airship behind him. He opened his mouth, then closed it as he searched for words that failed to come.

"I…" Yao paused to swallow the painful lump in his throat. He closed his eyes, before looking back up at the other with a soft renewed walked up to the other, wrapping his arms around Ivan's broad shoulders and pressing his face to that familiar strong back. "I missed you too, so much. Every day, I would keep on hoping that you were not lost in the devastating aftermath of the war, keep on praying that I would see you again…"

* * *

><p>"<em>But I never stopped believing...<em>

_And I'm here with you now."_

* * *

><p><em>Praeteritum II<em>

He did not see the fire coming for him.

_Attacks from the air are too intense, sir! _

The gunfire had painted a vivid scene of destruction across the once booming megalopolis. It burned into his flesh. The bright pain rang like sharp steel in his ears as the crimson bloomed over his arm. He choked, the ominous smoke of fires, endless fires, blackening his lungs as they ravaged the land. His land.

_Our pilots are severely outnumbered…! _

There would be no tomorrow. Yao knew that. Deep within the depths of his heart, a cruel voice kept whispering those very words again and again and again.

_The evacuation has not been completed, sir! There are still about a few thousand civilians and soldiers left!_

Yao wondered if his people would ever forgive him. If they ever survived. If he ever survived.

_This selfish wish of mine…_

He had to buy them time, time to escape and live. A plane without a pilot was no better than scrap metal. Despite the protests of his doctors and officials, he had taken to the skies in a vain bid to buy his people more time – precious, precious time.

His vision spun.

Yao gritted his teeth, forcing his mind and eyes to focus in the chaotic sky. He could feel the war taking its toll on him. His hand trembled on the controls.

A horrifying screech sounded as he barely scrapped past the wing of another plane.

He did not see the fire coming for him.

Yao cursed, stabbing wildly at the control panel even as his plane spiraled wildly out of control through the crimson sky. His radars and sensors hadn't picked up the plane that had taken out his engines at all. It had been so fast …exactly what was that plane? He had never encountered something like that before. To be capable of flying at such speeds, to be capable of firing so accurately at such speeds…

_Could such a plane, such a pilot even be possible? The reactions were too fast, too good, too instinctive…too human._

Even so, the damage shouldn't have been that bad. If he had reacted faster, he should've reacted faster… It was the side-effects of the drugs, he'd realize in chilly horror. It was weighing too heavily on his fragile mind.

It was too late to think of such useless things. Gritting his teeth and trying to focus his spinning vision, he turned his attention back to his chaotic controls. The computers were not responding to his commands. He could feel the intense heat of the engines as they burnt and started to heat up the entire plane. _Not now, not so fast! _

_At least…not before Ivan cannot see this…_

He had thought he could last longer than this. Yao punched the flickering monitor in frustration, then slumped in his seat. He had guessed rightly, this would be the last battle. The instructions that he had left to his people should end everything once and for all.

"_It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness_," Yao muttered softly as the old proverb floated to the top of his mind. He had made this decision a long time ago, why…what was this hesitance in his heart?

He could feel the shadowy hands of the flames tearing at his back, the heat's icy fingers brushing against his uniform as they tried to tear him down. It wouldn't be the first time he would perish by fire.

_He could still hear their screams at the back of his mind, their pained screams of horror as the fire devoured them fiercely while he stood helplessly in the sea of flames and watched them perish before his very eyes. Everyone that he had ever loved, cherished, protected…stolen by the demon flames of hell. _

Yao hated fire. For an immortal, hate was a fickle thing, yet he detested fire more than anything.

_How ironic, for one born of the black flame that burns on blood, to fear that very flame that gives you life._

Yet again and again, throughout history, fire had always stolen someone away from him, as if it were a vicious cycle that kept looping through time. Every time, he would awaken with the fiery flames still burnt into his vision, but those that he had ever loved, would always be long gone. Perhaps they were the price he had to pay for his accursed immortality; perhaps they were the ones paying the price for his life.

_That's why… _Yao mumbled to himself as he closed his eyes, unwilling to see the soot covered grey concrete that loomed up ahead._ Xiang, Mei, Ivan…Kiku…_

_I'm sorry. If I can protect at least some of you…there is no price too much for that._

There was a small smile on his face despite the single tear that rolled down his cheek…

* * *

><p><em><span>With a single spark, the dragons erupts,<span>_

_Into the blaze, it perishes,_

_Lighting a flame so bright,_

_A burning candle for the world to see,_

_Then the fire dies to a pale ember_

_That despite the enveloping darkness,_

_Still glows weakly_

_But just when the last crimson nearly flickers out…_

* * *

><p><strong>Hope never dies<strong>

* * *

><p>The first thing he saw when his eyes reopened was the ash filled sky. Dimly, he remembered painfully crawling out of a mass of rubble, his lungs choking on the dust and his throat burning. It felt as if the air were fire itself, blazing through it all, attacking him in a sickly fiery embrace.<p>

_Was this hell?_

His limbs screamed at him as he tried to stand up, only to fall back down into the thick ash. It was only on the third attempt that he managed to stand on the tricky, soft ash covered ground and forced his watering eyes to look around.

The whole landscape was covered in grey. It was silent. There was no life.

It was then that he noticed the shadows burnt into the crumbling walls, and the broken signs of civilization, and realised that this was not hell, that those shadows were his people's and that this dead monochrome world was his country.

_Was_. Not anymore. Not ever again.

* * *

><p><em>He had known this would happen, hadn't he? Yet why did it still hurt so much...?<em>

* * *

><p>Ivan could see the soft delight shining in Yao's eyes as he handed the few boxes on his motorcycle to his people that were coming in droves to look at the new survivor their leader had found. There weren't many people here, perhaps not more than thirty, but they had managed to craft a crude little town amidst the ruins.<p>

It was a comforting sight, even to Ivan. The sight of civilization again seemed to fill a deep emptiness in his heart.

Yao laughed as he chatted with them in an odd form of Mandarin that eluded Ivan's rusty ears. Finally, he waved them off and they reluctantly filed away, some still sneaking a few quizzical glances at Ivan.

"My house's a little further off," Yao said as he turned back to Ivan, offering the stunned other a warm smile. Slowly, he began to push the motorcycle down a beaten dirt path while Ivan followed him silently.

"You do not live with them?" He spoke up finally.

Yao shook his head. "No, it would be too easy for them to realize that I am not like them."

"Besides, I have to find the rest of my people…" Yao's voice dropped to a faint whisper. He could feel the guilt tearing at the very edge of his consciousness once more. How could he have failed them? If only he had lasted a little while longer, maybe the other cities could've evacuated in time too…

"We'll find your people, Yao," Ivan said fiercely. "All of them. We'll bring them back and we'll all be safe again."

Yao blinked, having been abruptly shaken out of his thoughts by the determination in Ivan's voice. _Yes, everyone would be safe again…_A soft smile grew on his lips as he looked up and pointed to a small building in the distance. "That's where I live."

Yao's house was a small hut, build from the building remains. It was nothing remarkable, but what caught Ivan's eyes was the endless sea of sunflowers that surrounded it. His eyes positively lit up at the sight.

"Yao! This is…!"

Yao laughed as he caught up with the Russian who had immediately rushed to the field of flowers. He had expected Ivan's eyes to be instantly drawn to the sunflower field. "I managed to find a packet of sunflower seeds somewhere…so I planted them. With the help of my people, we kept on planting the seeds until the first few sunflowers grew to the great field it is now."

"Besides, I always hoped that the sunflowers would one day bring me to you," Yao smiled while fondly brushing his hands through the field of bright yellow.

"Yao is so beautiful like a sunflower, da?" Ivan laughed. A free, innocent laughter. It was the most beautiful thing that Yao had heard in a long time. Ivan's eyes were practically sparkling as he gazed at the sea of gold.

"No Ivan, it is you that is like a sunflower," Yao smiled warmly from where he stood, amongst the bright golden sunflower blooms. Ivan smiled brightly, then a frown crossed his face and he shook his head. That was not correct. Gently plucking up a single flower from the ground, he carefully paced through the sea of yellow and passed it to the surprised Chinese man.

"If I am a sunflower, then Yao is my sun."

* * *

><p>Мы - два а ночи летящих метеора,<p>

Одной судьбы двужалая стрела!

_We are two meteors flying in the night,  
>The double-stinging arrow of a single fate!<em>

Два ока мы единственного взора,

Мечты одной два трепетных крыла.

_We are two eyes of a single gaze,  
>Two trembling wings of one dream.<em>

Единых тайн двугласные уста,

Себе самим мы – Сфинкс единый оба.

Мы – две руки единого креста

_The two-voiced mouth of secrets shared,  
>We two make a single Sphinx.<br>The two arms of a single cross._

**~Любовь/ ****愛**

* * *

><p>…<strong>但真愛是永不死的<strong>

…_**But true love never dies**_

* * *

><p><em>-fin-<em>

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

_Terminology:_

**44** and " 死是死, _Death is death" _ - A play on the words '44'. The pronunciation of '44' in Mandarin can be changed to that phrase by tweaking the pronunciation a little.

Praeteritum (Latin) - The past; events that have gone past. In this fic, the phrase is used to demarcate events that have occurred in the past.

_Story Details:_

__all drugs are fictitious material and no such drugs, at least to my knowledge, exists in the real world__

_**Tian **_**or ****天 **

"Sky" in Mandarin. The Chinese street name for endomium due to the brilliant blue colour of the drug.

**Yi or ****意**

"Meaning" in Mandarin. A highly confidential military drug developed by Chinese scientists; it allows one to fully access the full potential of their brain and accelerates brain activity, but has devastating adverse impacts on one's health. It is crimson in colour and comes in capsule form. An overdose can be potentially fatal.

_Flowers:_

_Red Chrysanthemum – _In addition to Kiku's name meaning 'chrysanthemum', red chrysanthemums represent love.

_White clover_ – means "I promise"

_Sunflowers – _Sunflowers are able to remove radioactive material from soil. They have been planted in areas where nuclear accidents have taken place ( Chernobyl, Fukushima etc.) to remove radiation from the soil and also to cheer people up with their brightness.

_Poems:_

古风 (Ancient Wind, 39) by Chinese poet Li Bai, translated to the best of my ability.

Любовь (Love) by Russian poet Vyacheslav Ivanovich Ivanov. English translations obtained online.

**Note: This story is related to another story, 99, which are both set in the same world. In order to fully understand what happened in the story, I would recommend that you read 99 and the stories in it as well. Thank you.**


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